Permission to Fail?

Our daughter told me about a Bible study where the teacher mentioned Proverbs 31 and said something like, “We all know that the Virtuous Woman is an ideal. She’s too good to be true.” Suppose a military commander gives his troop an order. The men whisper to the lieutenant, “Permission to fail, sir?” The lieutenant whispers back, “Permission to fail granted.”

The chapter isn’t stated like a commandment. In fact, the writer laments, “Who can find a virtuous woman?” Yet I believe the Scriptures are our “orders.” We should not give ourselves and those we teach permission to fail.

Let’s assume she meant that it’s not likely that anybody will achieve all that is listed for the virtuous woman. Perhaps it’s a composite of all the godly traits to aspire to. Some of the parables are not literal events. That doesn’t mean He was giving suggestions or passing the time. I would take the possibly composite traits and treat them like a “to do” list. Maybe you won’t check off every item but you’d better be working on the list. A Bible study teacher should not hand out a pre-license to smile and say “Wow, I could never be all that woman was. Nobody could.”

In Old Testament times, rubies were the crown of jewels. That’s how a man was supposed to be able to think of his woman. His heart was supposed to be able to “safely trust in her.” Everyone’s heard songs and stories of jealous men. This man never heard of such nonsense. Oh, to so capture and captivate a man’s heart. Even a Christian man can have his doubts, especially if a temptress works to make herself attractive. But not this man, it would appear. The passage also says he “has no need of spoil.”

I know that in the Iliad, ancient Greek poem about the Trojan War, spoils were frequently women as well as valuables. Didn’t seem to matter to Agamemnon that he was already married when he took Cassandra as a spoil of war. His wife was unfaithful to him, as well, but this Proverbs couple shines like the sun with fidelity. Whether it’s riches or sexual rewards, this man needed nothing beyond what he had. They say men are hard to satisfy, and that it is hard to conquer their hearts. Yet Proverbs is a book about relationships between the sexes, good and bad, and the power a woman has to captivate a man, for good and for bad.

Modesty, whether it is true or feigned, teaches women to undervalue their power and influence, but it is there. Men are girl-watchers for more than just great gams and other parts. “Behind every great man is a great woman” is not just a saying. Women have been making and breaking their men throughout history, beginning with Eve. Do you suppose it’s just barely possible that Adam valued Eve’s company more than God’s when he envisioned what would happen to his disobedient little wife? The Bible says Eve was deceived but Adam was in the transgression. Part of his transgression may have been choosing Eve over God.

Picture the scene earlier on in Proverbs, that adulterous wife grabbing a gullible fool by his proverbial nose ring and leading him off, ox-like, to the slaughter. How must her husband have lived his life? In jealousy, dread and rage. “No one who touches her shall go unpunished,” we are told, but clearly the woman was out on the prowl and a man cannot trust his heart to such a wife, no matter how many of her conquests he punishes. He might have had a purse full of money but oh, how empty his heart. The next time you even think about turning the head of some fool, lady, think about this woman who seems to have been doorkeeper at the mouth of Hell. Not somebody you want to emulate.

The evil Duessa from the Faerie Queene by Edmund Spenser

The Scriptures are clear about even entertaining wrong thoughts, in the woman’s mind or in the man’s. Captivate your husband, and nobody else. Don’t be responsible for a man’s fall. Don’t hurt your husband’s heart. Be those rubies, and far more, to that man, and keep him and all the other men safe. Well, that’s just one or two points on the to-do-list, unfortunately, but it’s enough to meditate on. Be far above rubies. Be that thing a man can trust his heart in. Be powerful for God, ladies. Never forget that you have power, whether you acknowledge it or not, and put it on your to-do list to use it Wise-Woman Proverbs style.

Wisdom Says, “Can You Hear Me Now?”

Proverbs Chapter Eight is absolutely amazing. We try to read through Proverbs day by day each month and this one just stops me in my tracks every time.

Why does God say that wisdom is a woman? I don’t know. A friend commented on the fact that Proverbs is mostly advice from father to son. Yet we have this personification (a literary device where an abstract concept is treated like a person) of Wisdom in many places as a woman. She’s stretching out her hands, she’s going around to the high or chief places, she’s standing at the crossroads, and here in Chapter Eight, she’s shouting at the top of her lungs right in front of the city gates. You can’t miss her! Or can you?

She is talking to men, apparently, like most of Proverbs does, but I think we women can listen in. As long as we can handle being called simple and fools like the men. Our culture today tends to depict women as smarter than men, but only this woman, Wisdom, really has the right to call men fools, and I think women better humble their hearts and listen up as well.

“Be ye of an understanding heart!” She cries in verse five, after calling her audience fools. Boy, these listeners better gather the shreds of humility the “I’m OK, You’re OK” secularist world has left them. Do not get all hurt and walk away from this, men and women alike. “Excellent things” are coming. “Right things.” Wisdom is going to speak truth, and her lips can’t stand wickedness. She also promises that what she says is going to be “plain,” and “right.” She’s going to speak righteousness only. The only catch is that you have to “understand” it. It might seem contradictory that Wisdom calls you a fool in one verse and then expects you to understand her in another, but that’s the way it is with believers sometimes. We’re still struggling with that sin nature, but the Holy Spirit still lives in us to teach us and give us understanding if we let Him. You don’t need silver. You don’t need gold. You need instruction straight from the mouth of Wisdom herself. In the ancient world rubies were the most valuable gemstone. You don’t even need them. No comparison. You need this.

When I get to heaven, I want to ask what “witty inventions” are to make sure, but I think for now I’ll settle for understanding that phrase as the ability to come up with good ideas.

People complain about the very thought of “fearing the Lord.” God is a God of love, isn’t he? He is to be loved and feared, like a dad who would do anything for you but is not going to let you get away with being a fool. So stop complaining and listen. Hate evil, hate pride. What’s a “froward mouth”? One that says vulgar, crude, bad, wrong things. Especially when you say them just because it’s entertaining to vulgar, crude, bad people. Why exactly do you want to impress them again? You don’t.

You want to be a counselor. You want to be strong. You want to tell kings and princes and judges how to rule, how to be just. You want honor and “durable riches.” Wisdom has a revenue-sharing plan that can’t be beat. Her dividends are eternal. Those that love wisdom will “inherit substance.” Not talking about material wealth here. You might get that, or you might not, but what you get from Wisdom will last forever.

Who is this Wisdom anyway? What’s her authority for telling us what to do? How’s older than the oldest of God’s works strike you as a tried and true source of solid teaching? Wisdom predates Creation. She witnessed it all, and starting with verse seven she shares her view of it unfolding before her delighted eyes. Depths of oceans and canyons, fountains of water, mountains, hills, earth, fields, even dust gets a mention. She was before it all, and saw it all come to be. Wisdom saw how God arranged and organized things from the beginning, setting boundaries, defining limits. Wisdom is like God’s best friend, watching Him do it all, right there by His side all the way, rejoicing that God made a habitation for man, and, once again, delighted with that special, crowning creation of human beings.

So Wisdom’s got the right to speak to man, to call us her children, to say, “Listen up!” Don’t refuse her instruction. Yes, you’re struggling with sin, with the pride that says, “I don’t have to listen to you!” But that’s what she’s there for, to tell you what to do. She’s God’s best friend, and she’s yours, too. That’s why she’s yelling at the top of her lungs. That’s why you should be this guy (or girl).”Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors. For whoso findeth me findeth life, and shall obtain favour of the LORD.” The consequences of being too proud to hear Wisdom’s voice are severe. “But he that sinneth against me wrongeth his own soul: all they that hate me love death.”

All Glorious Within

Psalm 45 is a beautiful passage of Scripture. It describes a king which certainly seems to be the Messiah, Jesus Christ. In verse nine it begins to talk about women, and there are lessons for Christian women and their earthly relationships with men and others in the descriptions found here.

First, though, we witness the anointing of the king with “oil of gladness.” The scents from his garments are of “myrrh, aloes and cassia.” The mentions of these and the “ivory palaces” are stirring descriptions of beauty for multiple senses — touch, sight, smell, and a delight for the emotions as well. It’s easy to see why “they have made thee glad.” Woman, this man and his dwelling-place are being prepared for you, as if for you alone. Are you blessed, or what?

This Psalm is aiming toward a point, and I think that point is a “pre-echo,” if you will, of the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Sure enough, verse nine states that “Kings’ daughters were among thy honorable women,” (attendants at a wedding) and the queen is on his right hand, in gold of Ophir.

Mention of Ophir goes all the way back to Genesis and it is an ancient source of the highest-quality gold. I think that could mean that Christ loved His Bride from ancient times and set aside ornaments for her wedding day just as God planned salvation “before the foundation of the world.”

Verse ten is another “pre-echo,” this time of the statement of Christ that if one does not love father and mother more than Him, or even hate them, he is not worthy to be a disciple. So the daughter, or bride, is urged to “forget thine own people, and thy father’s house.” Just after the creation of Eve, before there were mothers or fathers, or perhaps even houses, Adam says that a man will leave these things and “cleave” to his wife.

The passage says that by doing this, the bride will cause her king to “greatly desire thy beauty.” She will be irresistible to her man as she is wholly committed to Him alone. And verse twelve has a great by-product of being the king’s bride. She gets presents! Tyre is certainly not known historically or biblically for being a good or godly kingdom, but its princess will have to show respect for this bride. All the richest and most powerful kingdoms on Earth want to get on her good side.

Now we get to the really good part! Verses thirteen and fourteen say “The king’s daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold. She shall be brought unto the king in raiment of needlework.” I’m told that “within” means within her chamber, that is, while she’s getting ready for the wedding. She gets to put on wrought gold and that magnificent tapestry brocade you see in ancient portraits. No sweatpants, no bluejeans, no sir! The king’s daughter, who is now also the wife of a king, shines like the sun in the most beautiful and best workmanship. She is glorious, mind you, not glitzy. No bling here. The virgins, young girls, follow her, and you can bet they follow her example of godly beauty, too because they are accompanying her to her Lord and theirs with “gladness and rejoicing.”

Like many Scriptures this is a “here and now” as well as prophetic passage. The godly earthly queen will have children who can take the place of her forefathers as princes, leaders of kingdoms. In our sinful world we too often see children fall away from following their parents’ example and teaching. Not so here. The influence of this godly queen is solid because she worships her Lord with her whole heart. The memory of a woman who can produce generations of godly children will always be praised.

Godly Womanhood

(A note on the picture with this post: Just to prove women can be both beautiful and godly, three Barbie “Makeovers” representing characters from Edmund Spenser’s epic allegory the Faerie Queene: Left to right, Gloriana, representing the glory of God, Una, representing Truth, and Goldenberry, wife of Satyrane, a godly knight protecting Una in her forest journey.)

Girls, Ladies, Women, Mses; — What happened to us? We were so busy proving we were as good as men we became harpies, beautiful faces on voracious, soulless killing machine bodies. Yes we did. No, it isn’t an exaggeration. We learned to distrust men, to do without them, to hate them. We celebrated ourselves, we sang ourselves, we roared “in numbers too big to ignore”; (mostly too loudly and a bit shrill), we had “me time,” we went from eyelet pinafores to blue jeans to navy suits, we got most of the jobs, the scholarships, the promotions — and we left all that was important ground into the dust.

Come back with me along the road and let’s pick it up and try to put it back together. What is it? It is our girlhood, our femininity, our love of boys and men, our attraction to the other slightly less than half of the world, which we can no longer deny we desperately miss and need. By following me, by reading this ongoing rant, you give up nothing except stress you were never intended to suffer, loneliness you were never intended to bear, hatred and suspicion no one should ever feel except for really bad people (which most men are not).

You gain — oh, where do I begin? Beauty, mystery, fun, tenderness, excitement, security, protection, power no feminist can imagine. You can set the whole world back to its proper course. That ancient saying that behind every great man there is a woman is true in every possible sense. A woman has the power to make or break a man. Unfortunately we’ve been busy breaking the good ones and making the bad ones. Yes, it is our fault men are the way they are, in large measure. If you don’t believe that, forget about reading this. You can’t fix anything if you won’t even acknowledge that you broke it.

All right. Those of you who want to be ladies, listen up. First of all, we have to fix our conception of what it means to be a girl. Mostly, at first, it means staying away from boys. What? Yes. There’s too much mingling of young children these days. Unisex daycare, unisex PE class, pushing girls into traditionally male sports and organizations (Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts, not Unisex Scouts, get it? Marines don’t run unisex boot camps for so many reasons.) Girls need to do things with girls and women when they’re young. Young being most of the way through high school.

Those segregated boarding schools you used to hear about had the right idea. Our modern moral “messedupness” tells us it just creates more desire when you separate boys and girls and drives them to sneak around and “do it” behind our backs. That is not true. Out of sight, out of mind is true. Familiarity breeds contempt is true. You have to keep them apart so they’ll appreciate their proper chances to be together, so they’ll have something to look forward to. Of course they’ll think about each other, wonder about each other, want to be together as time goes on. But you’ll also keep those girls so busy growing sweet and pure and lovely that they won’t have much time to think about boys.

Ah, yes, purity. Time to talk about that. We have reacted against the feminist culture to the extent that girls are struggling to get back to feminine attire again. However, they have few examples of feminine women to copy. Where are those ladies with a touch of lace at their throats and a swish of skirts? I see women in their sixties and seventies in jeans and Tee Shirts. So, girls seem to have got the idea that dressing like a prostitute makes them feminine. After all, those are the women who are attracting the men. So girls pour themselves into sausage skins with glitter pasted on them, cover themselves no farther than between the cleavage and the buttock, and think they are pretty.

So, let’s go back to playing dressup, ladies. I’m going to call all my readers ladies, regardless of age, because that’s what we’re striving to be, if we aren’t there already. Once upon a time, little girls played dressup. They looked in their mothers’ closets and got flowery hats and lacy dresses and high-heeled shoes, and they pretended to be ladies. Do they do that anymore? What do they find in mom’s closet? Jeans, sweats, running shoes, maybe some “look-just-like-the-men” suits. Flowers? Lace? Pooh. Maybe a dress that isn’t big enough to be a slip.

Where did they get that idea that pretty women expose everything they have to men? Please don’t tell me they got it from you. “Shrinky” tops on three-year-olds. Poured on miniskirts on ten-year-olds. Low-rider jeans and low-plunging tops on thirteen-year-olds. Where is that child’s mother? Standing right there, so happy that her little girl is “growing up.” Stepping out, did you say? Step back and look at that child. She’s not a whore. Don’t let her dress like one. And don’t you, either.

The first thing about dressup is the clothes are never too tight, right? It’s mommy’s dress, and it flows down to the floor. It doesn’t grab your bosom in a death-throttle and try to pop it out in everyone’s face. Do you expect to see your mother’s bellybutton on a daily basis? You shouldn’t. Only daddy should. Frankly, nobody but daddy or husband should see anything much below the shoulders or above the knees, ever, beachwear excepted and then, still, a one piece suit with a properly-covered bosom and a bit of skirt goes a long way toward expressing modesty. So loosen up your clothes, ladies. Cover yourself, and leave some space between skin and fabric.

Dressup is where you learn beauty and modesty. And it’s a “girls only” pastime. Spending time with other girls and your mom, trying on modest, pretty, feminine clothes is quality time. Learning what’s decent, what’s proper, what’s truly beautiful. So many women, even good women, have lost the ability to care about what they look like. Some women even think it’s a waste of time to be pretty, to wear makeup or jewelry. And some women will wear it to work or to go places but not for their husbands. They’ll bag around the house in sweats and never think about who the most important person to dress up for is.